How To Inculcate Children Dealing With Absent Fathers Returning Into Their Lives
Yahya Ibrahim

One of the most important things is for the mother to double her love for her child/ren. Don't berate or disrespect the father in front of your children. Young children are oblivious to intricacies of marriage and separation of any sort.

Prioritize justice and fairness during this process. The safety and security of child/ren takes precedence in such scenarios.

Shaykh Yahya Ibrahim answers and explains...

What are some of the teachings that we should inculcate in our children who've been abandoned by their fathers in how to deal with those fathers who are trying to come back in their life or are in the margins of it?

One of the most important things that I will say to you, my dear sister, my dear mother of this young child, is that your love must be doubled and I know Allah has tested you with this great burden. As a single mother, you have this young child and you want to be the father and mother for them. Know that you have the example of Maryam aleyhi salaam May Allah grant you a place near her in jannah - Allahumma ameen.

Number two, I want you to know that nothing but respectful words should be introduced to your child about their father. You will not score points with your young child by putting down their father, berating them, whether in their absence or in front of them. You want to be very measured because, as a young child, they don't understand the intricacies of what's happening and as they grow older, they will remember my mom just hated him, maybe that's why he left. You don't want it to be something that will reflect bad upon you later on in life, because your young child misunderstood your contempt of a man who maybe has mistreated you.

Number three, be fair and just. And if you were the one who is out of this young child's life and you were trying to come back into it, how would you want your spouse to give you access? What would you allow for them and what would you want to be allowed to do?

Number four, always be safe. Take the child's interest before your interest. Give them the safety and the security that you need. Don't let them be exposed to a violent man, don't break conditions that are set by courts and other things that may put you at risk of losing your child.

Number five, and finally, what I say to you is, it is better to be merciful and compassionate than right. Don't try always to prove your point for being right. Being right is something you know you are. It's not about proving it, rather, now it's about being merciful. The prophets salallahu aleyhi wasallam was right all the time. But there were many times where he showed mercy, rather than proving he was right. And if you follow that constitution of life, if you open your heart to Allah and if you put that child's interest first, know that, even if there are difficult moments in life, they will come full circle to the place that there will always be home, to the mother who nurtured them, who is respectful about man who abandoned her and who wished to raise her son or daughter in the best of ways. May Allah grant you success Allahumma ameen.

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